Warmth and Cold
by KariTBB
Summary: Troubled by pain, Matt realizes his parents are better off with him gone. But in the dark of night, a small source of warmth reaches out for him. A story set before the time Matt's and TK's parents divorced.


**In the formless shapes of the night, he knew nobody would recognize him.**

**Filled with mist, the gaze of his blue eyes shifted quietly over the grey accomodation of the appartment. It was a mistake. He knew that, somehow. It was not his first time running off. And his father had always kneeled down in front of him, grabbing his arms firmly and trying to make him understand that running off was **_no_** solution.**

**But still, after what had happened today…**

**He swallowed as the pictures ran through his mind again.**

"_Thank you, Mommy." Matt smiled broadly, holding the cookie in his hand like a valuable treasure. His mother laughed, a pleasant sound Matt loved to hear._

"_Sure, dear," she said, gently ruffling his hair. "Now how about if you play with your brother a little?" She turned around, shielding her eyes with her hand as she faced the window through which mild sunlight was falling directly into the kitchen. "It's beautiful weather outside. You and TK could go build a snowman."_

_Matt's look followed hers, but his expression turned into stone._

"_Nah. … I promised TK I'd draw a picture for him." He glanced up, well aware of the sorrow in his mother's eyes. He knew his parents were worried about his reclusion, they had held endless conversations with him about it. But he couldn't. He didn't want to go out there, where all the kids he didn't know played and laughed together. He just _**couldn't.**

"_Maybe the four of us can go on a walk then together later today?" his mother suggested, trying to hide the edge of concern in her voice. Matt still noticed. He nodded reluctantly._

"_Yeah. Maybe."_

_He hurried off, heading for the room he and TK shared with each other. He found his brother on the floor, a devastated battlefield of papers and markers spread widely in front of him._

"_Matt!" TK jumped up and ran over to him, burying his face in Matt's chest._

"_It has stopped snowing, do you want to go outside? We could build a snowman or go sledging!" he bubbled cheerfully once he had released himself. Matt tensed, his throat dry suddenly and the beating of his heart throbbing noisily through his body._

"_Well, what about drawing?" he opposed weakly. "You wanted me to draw a picture of mommy, daddy, you and me." He knew he could hardly refuse TK anything. Still he could't join that loud, lively bunch of kids out there…_

_TK eyed him what appeared to be sadly for a moment, then sat down on the floor again._

"_Alright then!" He lifted one of the pens and a wide smile spread across his face. "Come on, teach me drawing!"_

_Matt sank down onto his knees, examining the markers TK had brought once his breath had calmed down. Not the best colours, regarding there was no skin colour, but he would see what he could do._

_He started with a few rough sketches, unsure how to begin at all. He didn't know much about drawing. But he wanted nothing less than 'perfect' for TK._

_TK doodled some pictures on his own while Matt tried to figure out why the faces he drew kept looking like apples and pineapples rather than human faces. However, after only a few minutes, TK sat up, his hands folded quietly in his lap._

"_What's wrong?" Matt looked up from his paper._

_TK pointed at the floor._

"_I don't have any paper left."_

_Matt could hear the hint of tears in his voice, and he could see how hard TK was trying to keep from wailing. The boy had been called a crybaby in school a few days ago, and now he did his best to become more "grown up", as he called it._

_Quickly, Matt stood up._

"_Ah, you're right," he called out with a voice that he hoped sounded funny. "Well, I'm sure we'll find some sheets somwehere. Don't you worry." He could see TK's face lightening up, and with a chuckle, left the room to search for some blank pages._

_He ended up in his father's study, knowing the man had always lots of papers of all kinds and colours. He chose the simple, white ones, remembering the coloured ones were more expensive and shouldn't be wasted with simple drawings._

_He returned to TK, smiling at the boy's joy as he spotted the sheets._

"_Matt! You're the best!" TK dug himself into drawing again, leaving a pleasant warmth in Matt's chest as he sat down next to his brother._

_They spent the rest of the day drawing, Matt rejecting dozens of pictures – none of them seemed good enough to be worth given to TK. The sun had disappeared behind the tops of the roofs already when they paused, a familiar sound at the front door catching their attention._

"_Daddy!" They both dashed into the living room, flinging their arms around their father as soon as the man had slipped off his jacket._

"_Whoa, whoa!" __Hiroaki Ishida__ held up his hands in defense, trying hard to keep balance as two boys clung to his neck. "I'm happy to see the two of you, too."_

_They released their father and he walked over to their mother, greeting her with a brief but loving kiss._

"_I'm sorry I couldn't make it earlier," he apologized, a guilty flush creeping over his cheeks. "I was literally buried in work. Sometimes I ask myself what they'd do if I was suddenly ill or quitted. I think they'd crash."_

_Their mother giggled softly._

"_Don't worry, darling, it's okay. It's still light outside, I hoped we could go for a walk." She stole a glance at Matt who blushed immediately._

_Unwanting to hear any further talking about the theme, he fled back to his room. Anger mingled with shame, questions taking turns with curses._

_Why wouldn't they simply accept that he didn't __**want**__ to? Why couldn't he simply go out there and play with the other kids for some minutes? It's not like it was a hard thing to do. Why would…_

"_Matt?" TK's voice was low and disturbingly concerned. Matt flinched, startled. He had entirely missed that TK had been following him. _

"_Yep?" He hurried to put on a smile, sensing there was something wrong with TK._

"_Why don't you want to go outside?"_

_The smile faded. Matt quickly turned away, not wanting his brother to see his sadness._

_TK approached him, but would stop two steps behind him. There was no tugging, no further questioning nor any begging for an answer finally. But the silence was more forceful than any words could have been._

"_I…it just feels a little lonely out there. And I don't want to be alone."_

_TK seemed confused._

"_But there are tons of other kids out there," he contradicted. Matt smiled weakly._

"_You can be in a crowd of hundreds of people and still be lonely," he said lowly. He drew his brother nearer to him, putting his arms around his shoulders._

"I'm sorry, TK. Of course we can go play in the snow if you want to," he promised. TK shook his head, his blond strands whirling rigorously.

"_I don't want to. I want _**you**_ to," he said, an edge of despair resounding from his words._

"_Matt? TK?" Their father's voice interrupted the moment before Matt could reply anything._

_Hiroaki Ishida's head appeared in the doorway, a gentle smile raising the corners of his mouth. _

"How about if we go for a walk? There's an ice show on the Odaiba lake, how does that sound?"

_He entered the room fully, half scowling and grinning as he discovered the mess of pictures on the floor. To Matt's surprise, the scowl soon took over as his father squatted, picking up one of the papers. His father usually was not the clean type and would encourage his sons to play mindlessly rather than caring about tidiness._

Increasing Matt's confusion, his father did not watch the drawing, but the back of the sheet instead.

_Matt noticed that he began to feel queasy. Something was wrong._

_His father, his face having taken an unnatural ashen tone, started to gather more of the drawings, his expression distorting more with every paper the man examined._

"_What the heck… _**did - you - do?**_" He leapt up, his body trembling with uncontrolled anger. "Where did you get those papers from?!"_

Matt panicked immediately. A wild cascade of thoughts raced through his head. Just what had he done wrong?

"_Fro… from your study__," he replied hoarsely, his lips quivering. He drew back, crying out, when his father suddenly shot the papers into his direction._

"_From my study? _**From my study?** _What did I tell you about entering my study?" he bellowed._

Tears left thin, transparent lines on Matt's cheeks. He knew he was not supposed to touch any of his father's documents, but these were nothing but normal papers!

"But.. but I took the white ones and none that were printed…" he spoke up, desperate. He flinched when his father took a step towards him, bristling with anger.

"_None that were printed? And how do you call that?" He threw one of the pages directly into Matt's face. The paper hit Matt's skin before it slowly sailed down towards the floor. And then Matt saw it._

_The back. The darn back of these papers had been printed on!_

_Inside Matt, something broke._

"_Dad, I'm sorry, I…"_

"_Have you lost your last bit of brain? Do you have _**any**_ idea how much work was put in these papers? Do you have any idea how many _**hours**_ it will take to re-do those?"_

_Matt shook his head. This mustn't be true… This mustn't be true… His father could take anything but messing up his work._

"_It wasn't Matt's fault only!" The voice was crystal clear and filled with determination. Matt looked up at TK's objection. "It's me who had the idea of drawing at all, I asked him to draw a pic…"_

"_But it was Matt who fetched the papers?" his father cut him short. TK gritted his teeth._

"_Yeah," he admitted loathly._

_Matt nodded, subdued, every last bit of self-esteem having left his body._

"_Yes, sir." _

"_What did I tell you about entering my study?"_

_Matt closed his eyes, tears dripping quietly from his face onto the carpet._

"_I didn't notice…"_

"_Not notice? _**Not notice?**_ I can give you something to 'notice'!" His father drew back his hand, raising it furiously enough that Matt caught the sound of the movement of the air._

_Matt vaguely could hear TK scream, a panic "NO!" and "Daddy, don't!"_

_Seconds passed without the expected pain flooding through his body. Matt looked up. His father's hand had dropped, but his expression had remained the same._

"_Matt, off to bed, right now."_

"But… I…" Matt drew closer towards his father, clutching at a small glimpse of hope to gain back his father's love.

"_I mean it, right now!"_

"I'm sorry…" Matt stuttered, his mind too mixed up to realize his father's words . "I didn't mean…"

"_Matt, I'm dead serious!" His father failed to keep from yelling any further. "Get gone _**right now**_ or I swear you won't get away without a beating today!"_

_Matt cringed, his hope shattering into smithereens. Panic taking control over his body, he crept under his blanket, not daring to put his father on edge by taking off any clothes. He could hear the puzzled voice of his mother and the iritated reply of his father._

"_What's wrong, dear?"_

"_Not now,__ Natsu__. I need to get out of here or I lose myself."_

**Matt bit his lips, trying to fight back the tears. The attempt was unsuccessful.**

_Get gone…_ **How much did it take for a father to want to get rid off his son? Matt had succeeded, apparently. It was no surprise, of course. He had always caused trouble rather than making his parents proud, after all. He had done mistake over mistake… Throughout all the years. Granting his father his wish was the least thing he could do for him and his mother – **_finally getting gone_.

**He forced himself to walk over to the door, knowing he'd wake his parents if he stayed for much longer.**

**He would make his parents happier that way… His family was better off without him.**

**His hand reached out for the knob, but stopped in the middle of the move. There was an envelope on the latch. The blue ink hardly visible in the colours of the night, he realized it carried his name.**

**He spun around wildly, expecting to discover anyone in the room, his parents or TK. But the apartment was empty.**

**Slowly, he took the envelope from its seat. As expected, there was a letter inside. He recognized the handwriting in an instant – not that it would have been difficult. He knew only one person who had a handwriting equally as terrible as his own.**

You have tould me that you are alone, I cann't say I know how that feels. Because whenever I was sad, you were there for me, I was nether left alone.

_I know you well enough to see that you want to run of this night. But you can bet, I will follow you. I will not leave you, Matt. And you don't even need to try to hinder me. I will follow you, throu the darkest night, until I can be sure your safe again._

_Love,_

_TK_

**He turned around, his gaze involuntarily wandering off to the door leading to his and TK's room. He was bewildered to find the door open, and it took him two seconds to recognize the tiny figure in the frame.**

_TK…_ **He fell silent before the word had left his lips. The little one was fully dressed, his favourite stuffed animal – some sort of a cotton candy ball with eyes and a wide smirk – tucked firmly in his arms, a rucksack on his back.**

**Matt watched him, wordless. There was no need to ask where TK intended to go.**

**He walked over to his brother, crouching down in front of him and placing a hand on his head.**

"**I don't have a chance to get out here without you, do I?" he asked softly. TK nodded in agreement.**

"**Nope."**

"**You know that it's freezing outside and you might die from cold?"**

"**Yup." TK tilted his head. "That's pretty much why I decided to join you."**

"**So you can die from cold?" Matt laughed.**

"**Nope, so I can keep you warm when you feel cold."**

**Matt didn't reply. He swallowed hard, then, hesitating, closed his arms around his little brother's body.**

"**You're the only one who can make me feel warm when it gets cold." He fell silent as his voice broke.**


End file.
